Tag Archives: online dating

Wind of change


– What are going to do now?- it was the only question,  if I only mentioned quitting my job.
– I gonna have well deserved summer holidays, will think about new ideas and maybe I will get married, – my answer was funny and honest.

I had nothing but the world to embrace. I was tired and wanted to have suntanned legs, to travel, to meet new people. Move somewhere far away and live my ideal laptop lifestyle. Words about marriage were only self protecting shell to reflect my laid back attitude to the problem of being jobless.

I am not dating a guy, but who cares?
It’s good to be unemployed.
Eating blueberry cake the whole day…
The rest will follow: suntanned legs, the different time zone and one day my wedding dress with pockets…

Be brave to say out loud what you wish for,  it may happen. Very soon.


Post #100: My heroes and their goddess

photo(20)Woman is strong till she meets her Weakness.

Strange enough, I do attract certain type of men. Different –  past rockers, hippies, bikers, scientists, writers or promising youngsters. Different facial shapes, hair or skin colors, heights and weights, nationalities and eating preferences.

All of them – with dimple chin. Not very visible, but  always present. I never noticed that rule, until my friend, who studied faces reading once pointed it out.

“A dimple on the chin, the devil within.”
―Pope Paul VI

It’s interesting what in my face attracts them? I have nothing very special except my broken nose and distinct lips.


“You gonna be my woman”, he said the next day. Even before first kiss, before long romantic walks, before our past stories and future plans, before dinner, sex and breakfast.

Man is much harder when he meets his Weakness…

Do I want to be his Weakness? I doubt. Really.


Clasification of communication

Emails are for statements, messages are for emotional tweaks, chats are for unfiltered responses and all video stuff is total distraction – words and meanings are not important, as looking at is.

I am not against any form of communication, visual is fine,  just verbal is verbal and you don’t have the chance to read again. And I like to read and read it…


Not a date. No peonies. No victory.

I spent 3 hours with him today.  Chatting and bit of drinking. We are from two planets, from two leagues, circles, from different generations. But both were open to listen and to hear.

Former squatter in London, alternative music fan, regular pot-smoker, blond, young guy who lives the life  in easy and joyful way and goes with the flow. He wants to be a Hollander 🙂

He asked for one kiss and got it. As admitted in his text message after our meet up:  he was too shy to kiss me more than once on the cheek.

It was like talking to a stranger who is next to you on the train. As soon as train stops, people go their own ways.

His way was to downtown. My way was  to Spain – Chile game on FIFA World Cup.  Bad day for Spain. Tomorrow will be better anyway – Spain will get The New King.  Amigos, you  just can’t have everything – you get either peonies or roses, victory or king.

Good bye Mr. Age Gap! Good luck.

Master’s mindfuck. A book or not a book?

I always loved to write, but more often I was reading others. It was my work. Sharing bits of my life  online and at the same time figuring out lot of things for myself. In written. I got involved now. Here.
I carry a fancy notebook with me whenever I go, I  stop my car sometimes to pencil something what crosses my mind. I make notes in café. I use my mobile for voice recording during long drives. I have mountains of fragments, dialogs, sounds and letters, feelings and  thoughts for future. For future that never comes or for the book that will never be published.

But this February, when the story with Man With a Plan and his son has started, I said to myself – I need to write about that. It seemed like amazing modern fairy tale: amazing business projects, politics, ménage à trois,  mental attraction… There were amazing strings of coincidences and other amazing  things…However, it  smelled a bit fishy in the very beginning. ..But if you want , I can name it  as smell of sea and shells….It was like a promise of super sappy story or horror story of manipulation. Both were good. Even for the same audience.

Who don’t like an unexpected death of my suitor exactly on the day I was about  to visit him at home in his country being on business trip there. And me being his last woman… And his son with boiling young blood in his veins  chasing me with crazy romantic offers after father’s death…

And  I still  don’t believe that something extraordinary and deadly had happened  2 months ago, maybe both guys  just were playing the wrong music … to a good dancer.

I danced to this bad music avoiding  red flags, carefully trying to keep my life affected as little as possible. I was so keen to believe it was a miracle and I was chosen from above for it…..I  was polite and understanding, despite negative, so I waited  for more lies to see where they would slip…

Real people, real identities, real situations… and unreal story.  Am I really attracted to witty but perverted minds?  Have I lost my ability to understand reasons of people behavior? Was I involved to play mindfucking game against my will? Didn’t I want to play it?  Why people play games?  Why games are played by people?  Was it real? Is it the life,  just  much spectacular than any fiction? I don’t know.

I needed to write to figure out it. And I have started my story.  I was not distracted. I sent farewell letters … I was back on track again.
I was sure the music stopped playing after funeral. I was too tired to dance.  But music started again two weeks ago. Just few  chords. Pianissimo … by youngster…

I keep waiting for more. And will definitely make all skeletons dance.


Do I really need to write this book? Do I need to immerse myself in the past to figure out WHY instead of living my life in the present and think HOW? Do I want a sweet revenge by writing a book? Do I need to justify my behavior? Do I need to understand them or me?

Do I need to be THE AUTHOR? Does anyone need another book on crazy dating story?




Lost in NYC. Letters of lust

I know. He said it at the very beginning. He is taken. But we have got and keep getting so much fun from our sensual  message exchange, we just can’t stop.

Is he unfaithful? Am I?  We just pretend we live in a world where everything is possible… When online:)

HIM:  Back from NYC
Thinking of you…

ME:  I am dreaming about NYC few months in a row..
Love NYC. Let me know when you are there next time 🙂

HIM: I will 😉
When was last time you were there?

ME: 7 years ago. Was thinking to go there this year. From July I will be completely free…unemployed and able to embrace the world…Centralpark

HIM:  Any favorite place in NYC?

ME: Many;) Volare in Greenwich Village,
Few places in Central park, Brooklyn bridge…

HIM: I love Greenwich Village, I went to Otto but Volare looks nicer, I will go there next time…
I have a friend in Brooklyn, I crossed the bridge walking 😉
I love the Conservatory and the model boats in Central Park

And I love your lips ;-)))))

ME: It’s a pity I have no friends in NYC 😦 Have you been there for business or pleasure?

HIM: I have been there for pleasure, one week vacation
I would love to travel with you… anywhere
I send you a thousand kisses… everywhere

ME:Lucky dude in NYC!I was pretty busy with hundred kisses here;)

HIM:  No! I don’t believe. Did you get hundreds of kisses?
Do I need to be jealous? ;-)))))
ME: Furious! Not only jealous:)

HIM:  Share with me…

ME: It’s good to feel  loved, adored, kissed 😉

HIM:  I agree ;-))
If you are happy, I am happy…

ME: I am not completely happy. Flings are good, but relationships are better.

HIM:  I love you too ;-)))))
And I miss you too…
Flings, with an “s” at the end ? 😉
Sounds like an interesting week… aren’t you going to share it with me?
ME:  I would rather share with you our things;)
HIM: I want to share our things… and I would love you sharing some of your things with me… you have such an extremely sexy brain…
ME:Having sexy brain makes ordinary conversations much more exciting…
HIM:  There is no ordinary conversation when you are around…
And not only your brain is sexy…
ME:You are the Master of  flirt. Or Mr. Seduction…
HIM: You don’t leave me any other option…
And you are Miss of Escape ;-)))))

ME:I leave all my options open…you just don’t use any…

HIM: You just did it again!!! ;-)))))


ME: Really? Are we playing different games? Are we playing the same game with different rules? Do we want to get different results at the end of game? Do we enjoy the game itself?

HIM:  If I am playing a game, I am playing the game of love.
I am falling in love with you.
I think of you every single moment.
I wait anxiously for your emails.
I am desperate for all my colleagues to leave and be able to skype with you.
I would love to travel around the world with you and make love in luxurious hotels in the five continents…
At the same time, I am very aware that I am not single and that I have very little to offer.
If I were single, we would have already met in Berlin, taking romantic walks and kissing each other in every corner, drinking white wine and starting to get undresses in the elevator of the hotel, unable to wait to go to  bed, and making love from sunset to sunrise
Not being single leaves this, for the time being, as a dream. Nobody knows what will happen in the future, but as I have very little to offer, I feel I do not have the right to play the game as I would love to.
Of course, if you ever come to XYZ, or if you feel like traveling to AB or CD (my two business destinations), I would be delighted to make my dreams come true.
My Dear, if you want to make me happy, move to  XYZ;-))))
My Dear, what can I do to make you happy? I prefer your happiness to mine…

ME:Please never ever write things like that again. Please…

It’s a fair play and we both understand the rules. And nevertheless reading these lines made my eyes wet unexpectedly. What happens online, stays online.
Let’s joke, let’s flirt, let’s talk and smile, let’s make stupid things, but please never be serious and  never be back to offline reality.
I saw a picture while reading your message. It hurts. Not virtually. In real life.