Category Archives: Story

Master’s mindfuck. A book or not a book?

I always loved to write, but more often I was reading others. It was my work. Sharing bits of my life  online and at the same time figuring out lot of things for myself. In written. I got involved now. Here.
I carry a fancy notebook with me whenever I go, I  stop my car sometimes to pencil something what crosses my mind. I make notes in café. I use my mobile for voice recording during long drives. I have mountains of fragments, dialogs, sounds and letters, feelings and  thoughts for future. For future that never comes or for the book that will never be published.

But this February, when the story with Man With a Plan and his son has started, I said to myself – I need to write about that. It seemed like amazing modern fairy tale: amazing business projects, politics, ménage à trois,  mental attraction… There were amazing strings of coincidences and other amazing  things…However, it  smelled a bit fishy in the very beginning. ..But if you want , I can name it  as smell of sea and shells….It was like a promise of super sappy story or horror story of manipulation. Both were good. Even for the same audience.

Who don’t like an unexpected death of my suitor exactly on the day I was about  to visit him at home in his country being on business trip there. And me being his last woman… And his son with boiling young blood in his veins  chasing me with crazy romantic offers after father’s death…

And  I still  don’t believe that something extraordinary and deadly had happened  2 months ago, maybe both guys  just were playing the wrong music … to a good dancer.

I danced to this bad music avoiding  red flags, carefully trying to keep my life affected as little as possible. I was so keen to believe it was a miracle and I was chosen from above for it…..I  was polite and understanding, despite negative, so I waited  for more lies to see where they would slip…

Real people, real identities, real situations… and unreal story.  Am I really attracted to witty but perverted minds?  Have I lost my ability to understand reasons of people behavior? Was I involved to play mindfucking game against my will? Didn’t I want to play it?  Why people play games?  Why games are played by people?  Was it real? Is it the life,  just  much spectacular than any fiction? I don’t know.

I needed to write to figure out it. And I have started my story.  I was not distracted. I sent farewell letters … I was back on track again.
I was sure the music stopped playing after funeral. I was too tired to dance.  But music started again two weeks ago. Just few  chords. Pianissimo … by youngster…

I keep waiting for more. And will definitely make all skeletons dance.


Do I really need to write this book? Do I need to immerse myself in the past to figure out WHY instead of living my life in the present and think HOW? Do I want a sweet revenge by writing a book? Do I need to justify my behavior? Do I need to understand them or me?

Do I need to be THE AUTHOR? Does anyone need another book on crazy dating story?





To cut coupons for sex

Once while dating online Man with a plan, I was asked lots of questions.  Few earlier posts  (2in1 and 3in1menage a trois,  the second guy in bed ) and the rest with a tag Man with a plan will help you to put pieces to puzzle. Not complete yet.

So he almost persuaded me to accept a challenge for occasional threesomes with his son.  It took me some time time to get used to the idea, which  actually was interesting to try. At least once. If I was able to create any meaningful  relationship with Man with a plan. And why not to try?

As my friend  once said:

Three is the right number:
A table with one leg is unstable
A table with two legs is unstable too
A table with three legs is always stable and it adapts to any irregular floor.
A table with four legs is stable but if the floor is not perfect, then the table will move
Conclusion: Perfect stability comes with three 😉

Man with a plan  had a lot questions when we were chatting online before meeting. Almost every day, few hours or longer  per day. Questions  about  sex, dating, picking mushrooms, swimming in a lake,  liking of ironing,  a lot questions from OKC  repertoire, and dozens more. He  mentioned  once he had professional deformation after work for several years in auditing security systems.   He used to say  “I  can ask ten questions, but it might be that  really important answer is  only one in this batch”.

I actually liked answering. It was like a food for thought – I had to express dislikes ( I hate ironing), my likes ( on cooking or traveling),  statements ( no at all interested  in threesome 2F1M), ideas (separate bedrooms or not), but in some cases questions let  me go deeper and express my insights about certain topics and organize my thoughts into opinions.

On the other hand,  I don’t like asking  questions, I would rather listen to stories. According to my understanding – asking questions is often not only a way to get another person’s opinion or clarification of the situation, but as well a polite way to corner them. Words are only words. If you answer your questions honestly, it doesn’t mean another side does the same. There are facts and stories. If I were in the same situation now, I would ask more questions. My love of listening to stories lets another side to create them on the go….

Him: One person can be in love with two at the same time – real love, but in different ways and equally strong – true or false?

Me:  False

Him: to be faithful – body part – is a must for good relationship – true or false?

Me: Not always true.

Him: If in a stable relationship – how many adventures or ONS would you like to have allowed per year?

Me: I don’t want to be allowed. I want NOT TO NEED them

Him: Even in the best relationship there are needs, especially for women at our age. Men are anyhow slowly dying in that better part of the body 🙂

Me: The needs of women are different.

Him: but there are needs and that is why I am asking how many ONS outside the relationship you need to be allowed

Me: The quality of sexual contact counts more , than quantity.
I think, that you can’t say – I need X amount of sexual intercourse  per year. If only X amount makes couple happy, that’s enough.

Him: so, once a month and all will be ok? 🙂

Me: no. It’s just more about  the situation you are in, and how you can use the situation.  If there is no one, who you want, cheep replacements do not work, despite allowed.  As I said, being single, as well as being picky in choosing partner for sex, is my choice.  Everyone has a choice. The whole life is the sum of our choices, sexual as well:)

…So in  addition to threesome with his son, who is about my daughter’s age,  there were  some extras offered for me – just for fun – pure sex without any strings attached outside the relationship. Occasionally. To feel excitement and novelty… With only one rule – no hiding /confession about it. It was a real turn-on for him to talk about my sexual encounters online and in reality, discussing all possible scenarios before and after he came up with the offer . We had a nice time talking in bed when met in real life about designing a coupons and printing them out. It’s was fun to fantasize how they can look like design wise  and what check-boxes should be there to have unified and clear accounting… I just imagined the secret life  of the  Coupon Queen – exciting!


I understood father’s concerns about sex  at his age even before we actually had sex with him.  No juicy details, dear reader,  just dry evaluation.

It was not best sex ever. It was not good either. It was unremarkable. In addition it was the lack of intimacy or emotional compatibility, but that’s another thing to talk about. During three days and nights in a row he was not up to much  (pun intended) and  hydraulic problems I faced in sex department  will get even worse in the future, so calls for a plumber paid with coupons to clean my pipes seemed unavoidable even in early stage of connection.

So maybe ménage à trois with enough yearly coupons to cut is the best way to escape sexual boredom in a relationship? Some people think of this as inevitable, others that it’s the sign of an incompatible match, or a lack of imagination. I will not be very original putting here wise explanation of reasons of boredom in relationship by  Dr. Schnarch : “sexual relationships always consist of leftovers”.  And explanation is pretty clear: you decide what you don’t want to do; your partner decides what he or she doesn’t want to do; and “the two of you do whatever is left over”…So going wild (officially) you can get something you always craved for and never got in relationship…

It was exciting  to think about  whole concept to have in real life. To try it. It never happened, but despite that it haven’t lost its attractiveness. How to live now? 🙂

The second guy in bed

His son.

Ain’t that weird enough?

Initial light, easy,  flying in the air and a bit shocking  idea suddenly fell down on me like a  summer rain – refreshing afterwards, but heavy  and unexpected at the moment. Continue reading The second guy in bed

Man with a plan of ménage à trois

I covered the topic of  adventures  and security a bit. But let me tell you more…

The story began online – as many of them do – with few lines of opening, which complimented my looks and my profile and invited to check his self-promotion. We hit it off online immediately and moved to Google Hangouts to continue in typing and video. It was a string of coincidences that imprisoned us at home and we both had a lot of time to waste online. During the three weeks of communication before our meeting I got the idea what was the future relationship set up this guy (50+) wanted to create.

The set up was a real ménage à trois, derived from an offer to have  MFM threesome one day.

NB! I am not raving nymphomaniac, rather moderate person in my sexual needs, I was and am only  a little interested in 3some,  so living in the same household with two men with different sexual need and capabilities seemed weird at first.


Look at the picture – it is a weird  stone I spotted  few summers ago at my grandma’s place and never touched, but few weeks ago it was waiting for me, so  I took picture of it  and brought  this threesome example home to investigate what it is. It feels like stone  – three petrified ice cream  scoops. Or three eggs. Or… whatever . Four petrified  balls  and vagina for illustration  is just too much to ask.

The only person who would understand me  in that set up – my aunt,  who lost her husband 20 years ago and seemed to live very quiet, but mentally busy life. When I have mentioned it,  she said enthusiastically  ” It might be good! Just  try that. Life is much more spectacular than fiction. You live your own life,  you have your own idea of being happy, so don’t be bothered by people’s opinions”. I was knocked out. I was taken aback. My 75 years old aunt, who haven’t had any boyfriend and sex since she was at hers juicy 55?

Yes, it was scary and that’s why I thought it  was a thing to try… Nowadays love and sex are differently interpreted  by people’s minds. Most people are  happy in relationship, that is  based on :  “I love you, so I do have sex with you and vice versa”.

There are (gourmet? very open-minded, with no values? driven too much by sex?)  couples felling happy with  the relationship based on different rules:  “I love you and /so I don’t necessary have sex only with you, because I love only you.  You love me and not necessary have sex only with me, we just accept what makes our partner really happy in relationship. Or  better summary of that may  ” We both make love in and we have sex with others out. We love each other and others are just for sex”.

I respect people who stay monogamous in relationship, I was faithful in all my committed relationships, but here I faced a chance to try something new for me.  I would be more than happy to get  everything I need inside of my relationship, assumed I love and I’m loved, there is trust, respect, compatibility and friendship.

But in this case I pay for one and get two. Do I need two?  I never had anything against pushing some boundaries  and trying new things. Threesome was on my bucket list, but not top priority.

Am I playing devil’s advocate here now? No.  I really enjoyed that idea.  Since I am kind of shrimp – I have my heart in my head – it was an essential need to know reasons for that ? I absolutely wanted   to get all arguments listed to understand, so… I let Man with a plan sell me that idea.

Sexual needs of woman who is 40+ is higher than ability of older man. (Yes, I know sometimes it’s true, sometimes not. Better safe than sorry – it’s your philosophy, isn’t it? ) Check!

For a man of his age to have two women in bed at the same time is a quickest way to disappoint both of them. I can understand. It works only if both girls want to make the man happy and content… I would prefer two guys – at least to see how it works. Check!

Everyday life which involves close interaction in limited space, may always be a temptation to continue interaction between the sheets. Having one drink too many, being broken or vulnerable, horny or lonely may inspire weirdest actions. I don’t know if I am that strong to resist the temptation. I never been in situation like this before, it’s better if it’s allowed , just in case. Check!

But all that seemed quite reasonable for me.  I love one and I am loved by two, almost legally.

The identity of the second man was the most difficult obstacle for me to overcome.

Stay tuned…


His last woman

13899821013_95fbcec6f7_z– You were his number one on this priority list, and even more, you were actually the only one on his list!

– We can say a lot in past tense, but  counts  only what we do in present tense.

It sucks to be the last and the most important woman in someone’s life for 66 last days and to get that statement delivered in words after…. not in actions before…

Till the last drop

Till the last drop

Really good cappuccino is hard to find. You try different coffee beans, types of milk, different distant locations and baristas, you taste and waste, drink all or leave after the first sip.
You go in circles and try again, give the second and the third chances, you try to stay away for a while.  Sometimes only the art on the top is good, sometimes – only the body, the taste, the strength, the texture of foam. But then you suddenly find all in one. Lucky you!

Relationship is like a cup of cappuccino with a nice art on it.

If the taste was amazing, the foam was firm, the strength was sufficient and art lasted till the very last drop, nothing else matters. You enjoyed the taste of it to the fullest and before the last sip you still remember why you’ve ordered it…

Living life …a shame or pleasure?

DSC_9259 copyWe do serious things, we do stupid things, we do risk, so we drink champagne; we don’t see red flags and never use the white ones; we pay and get for free; we do trust and hate; we believe in miracles tomorrow and we stick to the reality today. One moment we are about to give away our independence and the next moment we are so happy to have our life back.

We do live. According to our own rules, understanding and  we even try to push some boundaries. Successfully or not.But  we have stories  to think, to talk and remember about.

As A.V. said, it’s worth living a life which is a pleasure to remember and  a shame to tell about…

I live a colorful and a bit bittersweet  life, which is interesting to remember and no shame at all to write about. Current chapter of my book seems to be very interesting and long (?). It’s a pity I succeed to write only 1/10 part of the story yet. But I really enjoy every second of writing it, the same as  playing part in that story:)