Desired. Letters of lust


Tell me about hot Italian women
Russian men are awkward.


You should have been in Rome
Not a single hot italian woman…
It is raining in Barcelona now
If you come, you will get wet…


I don’t need rain to get wet.
I need a man for that.
Or my own thoughts about him….


Do you think you would be able to tell me about it this evening on Skype?
Wet you
Hard me
Flying us…


it would be so sweet
I will be at the airport and it might be possible
or on plane back home and it will be not possible
it would be wonderful to think about both us flying away
to meet up on the same spot on earth
to put on red dress and then to take it off
or not…




Good name for  airline…


impossible to Skype tonight
I will be flying with DESIRED tonight
Have a wet night…


Asexual boss and adorable me

I like your unexpected twist in our conversations, – I wrote once to a guy who after 12 lines about safe topics hit me with the last sentence: tell me about your orgasms.. It took me aback. And made my mind work again and more intense after I got my breath back.


I am on business trip. Regular night out with bosses and colleagues after the day of meetings in the office. Wandering in the green park of megalopolis talking all the way long is refreshing. Relaxing. Great company. No single word about our day life issues. No office topics. Just some gossips. I will not tell you anything what we did, what food we consumed, what and how much we drank, what topics we covered, what jokes we played, what compliments I received. How drunk I was and how much I was laughing. I don’t want to make you jealous. It’s not about that. After 15 years of love and hate affair with the corporation I will be totally free in a month! Hello the world!

All my bosses were men and they were brainy, handsome (most of them) and asexual. And yesterday I had a chat with my boss who is ten years younger and once admitted he has a thing for older women. His wife is older a bit, I knew few stories from his before-marriage relationships, I know a lot about his children raising challenges. We talk a bit dirty when smoking or dining out, but at the same time we keep a distance personally. Physically. Both of us. He is cute, our work relationship is great and private one is equally superb. In a month he will not be my boss anymore, and his label in my mind will drop down “a” from his asexual image. But the rest I hope will remain the same. I want that and need that.

His 78-year-old grandmother says she is living the best time now. Her husband passed away more than ten years ago, grandchildren are very much grown up and she is embracing her late years with joy and passion. It’s not very common in our part of the world… I would love my mother was like she. So this Lady plays bridge online and kicks away daters who talk too much about their illnesses and are boring in other areas of communication. She prefers to talk about health. She recently said ” Girls who are 40 and can’t find a man to have fun are just lazy”. She has two suitors – one in Italy and another local. Intense Italian language courses, guy’s presents for Xmas and Easter and now she is ready to pay a visit…It makes me selfishly happy thinking about this Lady. I most probably have a bright future. —-


My future lover, whoever I don’t know yet, I will not ask you about your other woman, your other conversations, your other hugs and kisses and sex. I can ask about it my asexual former or future boss, if we are mentally compatible.

I will not ask. Not because being open is dangerous. Not because being non exclusive hurts. Not because I don’t want to know about you more to understand you better. Or completely. Or enough.

I will not ask you, my future lover. Because being too open makes us partners. In life, in crime, in conversation, in future. Being open leads us to understanding and friendship.

I have enough sex with friends. I fed up with it. I want love. I want passion. I want to be vulnerable, unstable, mind-blown. I want to be on the edge and go with the flow feeling the absence of common sense and over-controlling mind.


Yesterday, during dinner my boss said (with all colleagues present) : ” My grandmother had beautiful blue nightgown – I remember it since I was a kid. I always wanted to grow up and marry my grandma. She is The Woman of my life. I adore her. You are the second one. I learned so much from you, I like you so much, I simply adore you”. It’s good he said that now, not 10 years before.

Awesome when bosses are asexual. It makes adorable me.

Misunderstanding own sexuality

I am feminine by body. For 100%.
I am feminine by mind about 40%.

Feminine? I don’t know. Not much. Definitely not 0% feminine, not 100% either.

I have a weird relationship with my sexuality.
Or a normal one.

Who knows what is normal?


Reading some  lines is like a splash of hot water on my body.
Sometimes it squeezes my throat I can hardly breathe, sometimes I can I turn on wet immediately. Not necessary the words were written to me. Or about me.  Erotic literature works fine. Porn does too. I don’t need to have anyone real next to me to  make me aroused. My mind works fine.
I like the feeling when thinking about me or reading me makes someone far away or close-by aroused and excited. I like that power over another person. Bittersweet feeling.

Sex means nothing to me, if person means nothing.
If person means the world to me, sex may mean nothing.
Or be not rewarding for me.

I enjoy sex started from the promise of it, I like my mind being occupied with dirty and sweet thoughts.
I am a person of process not result.

I have weird relationship between my not very feminine sexuality and my masculine mind.

But I still would like to date myself, if I was a guy.

To cut coupons for sex

Once while dating online Man with a plan, I was asked lots of questions.  Few earlier posts  (2in1 and 3in1menage a trois,  the second guy in bed ) and the rest with a tag Man with a plan will help you to put pieces to puzzle. Not complete yet.

So he almost persuaded me to accept a challenge for occasional threesomes with his son.  It took me some time time to get used to the idea, which  actually was interesting to try. At least once. If I was able to create any meaningful  relationship with Man with a plan. And why not to try?

As my friend  once said:

Three is the right number:
A table with one leg is unstable
A table with two legs is unstable too
A table with three legs is always stable and it adapts to any irregular floor.
A table with four legs is stable but if the floor is not perfect, then the table will move
Conclusion: Perfect stability comes with three 😉

Man with a plan  had a lot questions when we were chatting online before meeting. Almost every day, few hours or longer  per day. Questions  about  sex, dating, picking mushrooms, swimming in a lake,  liking of ironing,  a lot questions from OKC  repertoire, and dozens more. He  mentioned  once he had professional deformation after work for several years in auditing security systems.   He used to say  “I  can ask ten questions, but it might be that  really important answer is  only one in this batch”.

I actually liked answering. It was like a food for thought – I had to express dislikes ( I hate ironing), my likes ( on cooking or traveling),  statements ( no at all interested  in threesome 2F1M), ideas (separate bedrooms or not), but in some cases questions let  me go deeper and express my insights about certain topics and organize my thoughts into opinions.

On the other hand,  I don’t like asking  questions, I would rather listen to stories. According to my understanding – asking questions is often not only a way to get another person’s opinion or clarification of the situation, but as well a polite way to corner them. Words are only words. If you answer your questions honestly, it doesn’t mean another side does the same. There are facts and stories. If I were in the same situation now, I would ask more questions. My love of listening to stories lets another side to create them on the go….

Him: One person can be in love with two at the same time – real love, but in different ways and equally strong – true or false?

Me:  False

Him: to be faithful – body part – is a must for good relationship – true or false?

Me: Not always true.

Him: If in a stable relationship – how many adventures or ONS would you like to have allowed per year?

Me: I don’t want to be allowed. I want NOT TO NEED them

Him: Even in the best relationship there are needs, especially for women at our age. Men are anyhow slowly dying in that better part of the body 🙂

Me: The needs of women are different.

Him: but there are needs and that is why I am asking how many ONS outside the relationship you need to be allowed

Me: The quality of sexual contact counts more , than quantity.
I think, that you can’t say – I need X amount of sexual intercourse  per year. If only X amount makes couple happy, that’s enough.

Him: so, once a month and all will be ok? 🙂

Me: no. It’s just more about  the situation you are in, and how you can use the situation.  If there is no one, who you want, cheep replacements do not work, despite allowed.  As I said, being single, as well as being picky in choosing partner for sex, is my choice.  Everyone has a choice. The whole life is the sum of our choices, sexual as well:)

…So in  addition to threesome with his son, who is about my daughter’s age,  there were  some extras offered for me – just for fun – pure sex without any strings attached outside the relationship. Occasionally. To feel excitement and novelty… With only one rule – no hiding /confession about it. It was a real turn-on for him to talk about my sexual encounters online and in reality, discussing all possible scenarios before and after he came up with the offer . We had a nice time talking in bed when met in real life about designing a coupons and printing them out. It’s was fun to fantasize how they can look like design wise  and what check-boxes should be there to have unified and clear accounting… I just imagined the secret life  of the  Coupon Queen – exciting!


I understood father’s concerns about sex  at his age even before we actually had sex with him.  No juicy details, dear reader,  just dry evaluation.

It was not best sex ever. It was not good either. It was unremarkable. In addition it was the lack of intimacy or emotional compatibility, but that’s another thing to talk about. During three days and nights in a row he was not up to much  (pun intended) and  hydraulic problems I faced in sex department  will get even worse in the future, so calls for a plumber paid with coupons to clean my pipes seemed unavoidable even in early stage of connection.

So maybe ménage à trois with enough yearly coupons to cut is the best way to escape sexual boredom in a relationship? Some people think of this as inevitable, others that it’s the sign of an incompatible match, or a lack of imagination. I will not be very original putting here wise explanation of reasons of boredom in relationship by  Dr. Schnarch : “sexual relationships always consist of leftovers”.  And explanation is pretty clear: you decide what you don’t want to do; your partner decides what he or she doesn’t want to do; and “the two of you do whatever is left over”…So going wild (officially) you can get something you always craved for and never got in relationship…

It was exciting  to think about  whole concept to have in real life. To try it. It never happened, but despite that it haven’t lost its attractiveness. How to live now? 🙂

About ice, forgiveness and permission in dating

13031440933_4e8f047fff_z It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.  Grace Hopper

Some companies applies this policy to let people be proactive and take initiatives. It’s so true in some situations of dating.  Yes, you want to show the best side of yourself at the start. You try to make cautious moves not to break down whatever is about to build. It’s so nice when you have more time left in your life. People sometimes  ask for permission instead of just taking a step.  It’s so sweet to ask “May I kiss you?” before kissing – it creates tension. I don’t want to have a choice. I want to see an action. And contemplate after, not before.  I really like unexpected acts – they are  the reflection of instant, despite not always long-lasting intentions. Refreshing.

Let’s imagine:  I am in a bathroom taking shower. If I hear  from a guy ( in the very beginning of anything  that may turn into something great     in the future)   “May I join you?”,  I  most  probably will say” no”- I know myself, I know how quickly a bunch of  unnecessary thoughts and doubts will occupy my mind .   If he knocks and comes in without asking a permission,  I most probably  accept that.  And then I can kick him out. In this case he can step back and say “sorry” . No offense.

Life is about the examining thickness of ice, before stepping on it. Dating is all about that.


Sex as act of charity

14051607720_2563214cde_bIt’s  my 69 post here.

To commemorate this number I will do some charity writing while  singing:

You talk about things that nobody cares
You’re wearing out things that nobody wears – waiting for Aerosmith live show tonight…

Have you ever had sex as an act of charity?

Let me explain it…
No, it was not about  rice noodles, hydraulic problems, or  just bad sex…
Charity sex is  like  hugging   your ex  in sorrow, lending a helping hand (or pussy ) to friend, it’s an act of soothing, comforting someone, or even making happy someone who is deadly ill (Thanks Lord, it never happened though).

It’s  like giving away what you really don’t need,  when you see someone who is in a desperate need for.  Sex in this case.

It’s  act of compassion. But  you are not happy about the decision, despite you  can have few reasons to justify your own choice .

If I have the question in my head “why am I  doing it?” that’s definitely  the act of sexcharity.

Acts of charity the same as  drunken sex adds nothing to friendly relationship. It’s true without any  explanation, so the next resolution is:

No more charity cards ever!

You’re calling my name but I gotta make clear
I can’t say baby where I’ll be in a year

Show is about to start in  an hour and I really don’t wanna  miss a thing!

Friendship to be spoiled with sex? No way.

We were chatting  about different experiences in our online dating. Good and bad. Expectations, situations and connections we made and sex we had.

Him: I met a girl from another country who came to my town, we went out – she was smart, funny, beautiful.  Ended up having superb sex half night long. And are still friends online.. Probably will meet again. So far no bad experience that you couldn’t also have meeting IRL

Me:  That’s good! I am friends with few guys as well, but we haven’t had sex 😉 but spent amazing time in different cities – me or they  were good guide few times there.

Him: I can have sex and be friends 😉

Me: Me too, but sometimes it’s not necessary. Can you also be friends after awkward sex with someone???

Him: Yes. I am.

Me: I don’t want to spoil  amazing friendship with awkward sex. It may have an impact on my friendship – images of silly or really bad things will haunt me.  It’s a pity you can’t figure out what kind sex between you gonna before it’s over…

Are girls over-complicating things by default? It’s more pleasant to know that our friends are just superb and we even don’t want to know any of their intimate secrets  nor  share our mutual sexual fails with them?