Mr. Right CEO

Some nice memories one can find in a stack of drafts. 

Sweet summer’2014

Despite being full time unemployed, I am part time busy. Volunteering, helping out my friends with their business and trying to stay a bit  distant from all that jazz with career track.

Like a guy, who are deadly afraid of a new connection after  breakup of long term realationship. Me too.  It was too good to be true.

I don’t want to be engaged again too early.  Professionally.

I have professional flings, short-term, long distance relationships, ONS, FwB.

I didn’t get any proposal yet. Still waiting for an irresistible one from Mr. Right CEO.

 

 

Excuses…

It’s me.

Four months unemployed, mentally lazy, sleeping well, procrastinating, taking pictures, intensively writing blog in my native tongue, meeting people. No dates, no new love stories, but making some artsy  stuff, attending expensive conferences, buying no shoes but perfumes…

Still need to make few changes in my life to be back on track: plan my day, be efficient, clarify what I want to do even without earning money.

I feel like I am not interesting to myself anymore. That’s why I am keep being silent on my blog.

Lack of mind blowing ideas…

My unemployment is great. Relaxed. Lazy days in and sleepless nights.   At the lake or in town. Reading and  writing.
Looking for and not finding…

Every day I spend at least an hour in total thinking about my  professional future. I don’t want to be invisible professionally.  I have enough experience to share and still plenty things to learn. I have lots of  passions  and hobbies, that blows my mind – I can be  a florist, I can work   in a bookstore, shoes or handbags boutique, I can go back to TV or radio station. I will never ever get a job there. I am over qualified:)  The idea should take me completely and then I will start …

I am not an executor type – since I have an idea and I  create a workflow for its execution, I don’t want to do things myself. It’s not fascinating for me. So I  almost never open the book our company published – what for? To look for mistakes? No sense. Too late. To see if it looks OK? I already know that. To be proud of the result? Why?- I developed  the idea, enjoyed  the process, that’s enough for me. I just know, that most effective and creative I am when not in regular situations, not at my working desk. In airport, bathroom, when traveling abroad, on holidays wherever- in a village, cabin in the woods or at the warm sea…

I always thought it was somehow connected with my attitude and my addictions. No, I don’t think I am adrenaline addict.  My driving as well as other behavior is not extreme, I never had any need for speed or anything  else that is risky, since my daughter was born. Being single mum since she was 4, made me much more careful than I would  loved to.

So clearly risk. that have certain mechanical tools – cars, motorbikes, planes etc involved – is not my cup of tea…Sometimes life just put you into  risky situations. More than twenty years ago I had to work in real war situation.  We were working  (and smoking!) near bottles of Molotov cocktails, lots of guns were nearby  and we were among really handsome young state security guys, as well as a sea of soldiers, so the fear and risk was well hidden in subconscious but  pumping  adrenaline into the blood, so weeks were decorated  with short flings in unexpected set of circumstances.
The risks I do take are more interpersonal and giving food for brain than physical excitement at the very moment. It’s more the attraction to unpredictable, indefinite situations and pushing the boundaries or going with the flow. But that probably just way of living, not any risk, despite my friends used to say “How dare you do that?” I am not very good at reading people, but I can always trust my gut feelings, just sometimes I forget about them. I am pretty good at putting myself in the situations I’ve never been before, with people I never met before, or in places I’ve never been to. I travelled with people I never met before, did lot hitchhiking, and that was not always safe for a girl. And I am not talking about sex with strangers around the corner in the dark street of the town I’ve just started to explore.

Should I do something crazy and absolutely wrong, go far away  to get new inspirations?

What stimulates your creativity? Addictions, regular life, infatuation, sex,  talks with strangers or chats with friends? How to be creative? How to release this creative energy which is locked inside?

Post #100: My heroes and their goddess

Woman is strong till she meets her Weakness.

Strange enough, I do attract certain type of men. Different –  past rockers, hippies, bikers, scientists, writers or promising youngsters. Different facial shapes, hair or skin colors, heights and weights, nationalities and eating preferences.

All of them – with dimple chin. Not very visible, but  always present. I never noticed that rule, until my friend, who studied faces reading once pointed it out.

“A dimple on the chin, the devil within.”
―Pope Paul VI

It’s interesting what in my face attracts them? I have nothing very special except my broken nose and distinct lips.

—–

“You gonna be my woman”, he said the next day. Even before first kiss, before long romantic walks, before our past stories and future plans, before dinner, sex and breakfast.

Man is much harder when he meets his Weakness…

Do I want to be his Weakness? I doubt. Really.

 

Is there any life after …you quit?

There were two  very encouraging messages among the farewell spam. It’s lovely, when someone takes times to write anything else than any copy-paste-bullshit.

I wish you the very best for the future. The good news is that there IS a life after [company name here] and it’s a good one.

and another one

Today is your last day but tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life…

Yesterday I made a controversial effort  to look non-profesional in  at the office to manifest my new life! It was a great day. And the only day in my life I got paid so well!

Today is the first day of unemployed me. I have no employer. I don’t  I need one now.

I want to enjoy the free ride for a while. Till the next idea will  blow my mind!

Why to write and why to read

No, I don’t look like this Lady with a red hat on this pottery of unknown artist. My wine is never greenish and  my absent glass is smaller. There is always a notepad on the table…

I don’t want to brag about how  witty I am in my mother tongue. I am just above average. I like live shows and talking – when chat with friend turns out into something worth memorizing. I never remember.  I am completely wrapped up in the pleasure of dialog, so I forget immediately most of  “verbal pearls”, that  fell down from my mouth…

Clasification of communication

Emails are for statements, messages are for emotional tweaks, chats are for unfiltered responses and all video stuff is total distraction – words and meanings are not important, as looking at is.

I am not against any form of communication, visual is fine,  just verbal is verbal and you don’t have the chance to read again. And I like to read and read it…

 

Dialog #8: Boudoir and more explicit pics

 My friend is checking  pictures of her boudoir photo-shooting on my phone. She got extremely involved…

– My dear, please don’t go too far away in gallery,  you can find few explicit hot dickpics.

– WOW!!!!! I had no idea you are shooting penises as well.

–Gosh, not yet! I just  keep receiving pics of them…

 

Proposal in the morning after a night without sex

Early morning in bed. Soft, lazy…

-Do you want some coffee or water, sweetie?

-Water, please,  – I feltl really thirsty after night party…

-What we are going to do today? We need to buy a carpet, mattress, we can have brunch in the downtown…
-We will buy a carpet, a mattress and  will we get married then?

-Will you marry me?

– Let me think if or where  it’s legal:))))

Explosion of laugh and coffee splashes on bed sheets.

Have you ever got a marriage proposal after a night without sex?

Nice lazy joyful morning in bed after girls pajama party…. just long time friends. Nothing sexual.

Should I consider that proposal as the last chance for marriage???

P.S.  I know, it was a warning before. …

 

 

Not a date. No peonies. No victory.

I spent 3 hours with him today.  Chatting and bit of drinking. We are from two planets, from two leagues, circles, from different generations. But both were open to listen and to hear.

Former squatter in London, alternative music fan, regular pot-smoker, blond, young guy who lives the life  in easy and joyful way and goes with the flow. He wants to be a Hollander 🙂

He asked for one kiss and got it. As admitted in his text message after our meet up:  he was too shy to kiss me more than once on the cheek.

It was like talking to a stranger who is next to you on the train. As soon as train stops, people go their own ways.

His way was to downtown. My way was  to Spain – Chile game on FIFA World Cup.  Bad day for Spain. Tomorrow will be better anyway – Spain will get The New King.  Amigos, you  just can’t have everything – you get either peonies or roses, victory or king.

Good bye Mr. Age Gap! Good luck.

Lost in NYC. Letters of lust

I know. He said it at the very beginning. He is taken. But we have got and keep getting so much fun from our sensual  message exchange, we just can’t stop.

Is he unfaithful? Am I?  We just pretend we live in a world where everything is possible… When online:)

HIM:  Back from NYC
Thinking of you…

ME:  I am dreaming about NYC few months in a row..
Love NYC. Let me know when you are there next time 🙂

HIM: I will 😉
When was last time you were there?

ME: 7 years ago. Was thinking to go there this year. From July I will be completely free…unemployed and able to embrace the world…

HIM:  Any favorite place in NYC?

ME: Many;) Volare in Greenwich Village,
Few places in Central park, Brooklyn bridge…

HIM: I love Greenwich Village, I went to Otto but Volare looks nicer, I will go there next time…
I have a friend in Brooklyn, I crossed the bridge walking 😉
I love the Conservatory and the model boats in Central Park

And I love your lips ;-)))))

ME: It’s a pity I have no friends in NYC 😦 Have you been there for business or pleasure?

HIM: I have been there for pleasure, one week vacation
I would love to travel with you… anywhere
I send you a thousand kisses… everywhere

ME:Lucky dude in NYC!I was pretty busy with hundred kisses here;)

HIM:  No! I don’t believe. Did you get hundreds of kisses?
Do I need to be jealous? ;-)))))

ME: Furious! Not only jealous:)

HIM:  Share with me…

ME: It’s good to feel  loved, adored, kissed 😉

HIM:  I agree ;-))
If you are happy, I am happy…

ME: I am not completely happy. Flings are good, but relationships are better.

HIM:  I love you too ;-)))))
And I miss you too…
Flings, with an “s” at the end ? 😉
Sounds like an interesting week… aren’t you going to share it with me?

ME:  I would rather share with you our things;)

HIM: I want to share our things… and I would love you sharing some of your things with me… you have such an extremely sexy brain…

ME:Having sexy brain makes ordinary conversations much more exciting…

HIM:  There is no ordinary conversation when you are around…
And not only your brain is sexy…

ME:You are the Master of  flirt. Or Mr. Seduction…

HIM: You don’t leave me any other option…
And you are Miss of Escape ;-)))))

ME:I leave all my options open…you just don’t use any…

HIM: You just did it again!!! ;-)))))

 

ME: Really? Are we playing different games? Are we playing the same game with different rules? Do we want to get different results at the end of game? Do we enjoy the game itself?

HIM:  If I am playing a game, I am playing the game of love.
I am falling in love with you.
I think of you every single moment.
I wait anxiously for your emails.
I am desperate for all my colleagues to leave and be able to skype with you.
I would love to travel around the world with you and make love in luxurious hotels in the five continents…
At the same time, I am very aware that I am not single and that I have very little to offer.
If I were single, we would have already met in Berlin, taking romantic walks and kissing each other in every corner, drinking white wine and starting to get undresses in the elevator of the hotel, unable to wait to go to  bed, and making love from sunset to sunrise
Not being single leaves this, for the time being, as a dream. Nobody knows what will happen in the future, but as I have very little to offer, I feel I do not have the right to play the game as I would love to.
Of course, if you ever come to XYZ, or if you feel like traveling to AB or CD (my two business destinations), I would be delighted to make my dreams come true.
My Dear, if you want to make me happy, move to  XYZ;-))))
My Dear, what can I do to make you happy? I prefer your happiness to mine…

ME:Please never ever write things like that again. Please…

It’s a fair play and we both understand the rules. And nevertheless reading these lines made my eyes wet unexpectedly. What happens online, stays online.

Let’s joke, let’s flirt, let’s talk and smile, let’s make stupid things, but please never be serious and  never be back to offline reality.

I saw a picture while reading your message. It hurts. Not virtually. In real life.

Bad luck on local date and mind blowing peonies

My local date, I was so sure about yesterday,  was bad.  Actually it haven’t happen today. Bad luck? Youngsters are not reliable? Am I  on his priority list? Definitely not. He is not on mine either.

Weird enough, when people work within walking distance. 15 min on feet is more than enough for both to meet in a nice place after working hours. Mr. Age Gap   failed to make a grand entrance. Minus ten points. Or even more.

Precious assets and date in my own city

I can’t remember myself going to first dates in my own city. Or my own country. It was something worth remembering only 13 years ago.

We oddly clicked online. Ping pong of emails, Hangout messages, 2+ hours of phone conversations. We set a date on Wed. The more we talked, the more excited he was.

So today, not on Wed. Youngsters are not patient. THE AGE GAP. Older ladies know very well – time is our most precious asset (OK,OK I know, diamonds too) and we need to invest our time wisely.

As my daughter said: “you should be dating  younger guys. With two conditions:  they can’t be younger then me ( she is 21) and please don’t bring them home. It will make queue to the bathroom…”

Will try. I already know, I will be more than interesting to him.

Will he be at least worth my time investment? I am more than sure –not. But let’s talk about ROI tomorrow…

 

Sexual vocal lessons and sleepless nights

Tonight I was reading blogs (needed to catch up after my trips) and was thinking what to write about…  I have my notebook with some  ideas, but a lot of them are just raw ideas or chats crumbles, memories or visions. I need to think over, put my text into readable English and  hit “Publish” button.

Laying in my bed, at 9 PM my time on very delightful lonely weekend with nice evening light outside.  And suddenly this wonderful picture was tore down by sound. Sound of  sex.  My neighbors sexual symphony.  With a distinguished soprano. It happens often. Few times a week. And 2-3 times per night, easy to calculate, they are above the average in their activities.  I always try to fall asleep in the break. I know their schedule.

Yes, I feel envy sometimes. I feel angry more often, and in some cases I feel humiliated. I just don’t need vocal reminder for not having enough sex. I can’t sleep, I can’t force myself pretend it’s not happening.

During warm summer nights I used to go to my balcony for a smoke. They have  sex with windows widely open. Mostly guys in the neighborhood were listening and smoking too. It’s was an amazing turn on. They were  discussing the situation.  Pretended as if they are angry. Or disturbed.  They commented on the tone, volume of voice of the performer.  We know their repertoire now, we hear the differences. Even slight changes… Recently they enjoyed  spanking…We know how dirty they talk. What she says and what he asks. Not in details, but still neighbors have an image of their private life. And noisy f***kers are aware of it.

But the voice!  It’s really impressive. it’s a  pity not everyone has a talent.  A guy  the next door was joking about sending his wife to this dramatic coloratura soprano to get few lessons of moaning. I am not right-wing nor rear-feather feminist, but I suggested himself to take lessons from our sexually insatiable neighbor instead.

What if he can make every woman sing her best arias every time???

 

Loved in a way

If I am not loved in a way I wish,  it does not mean I am not loved at all. However I want to be loved and love in I way I love it.

And If I am not loved in a way I love it, I would rather skip a random suitor and  sleep alone.

Across my bed.

P.S.

It’s comfortable. I can sleep for ages.