Nominations of 2014

I try to do my summary of the year in my mother tongue every year. Things I learned, experienced, was surprised by and was thankful for.  Quick and dirty one in English before it is outdated.

2014. Тhe first year that was split in two equal parts of work and unemployment.

This year I learned:

  • if there is no employer who can pay me the amount I am worth, I would rather earn less or nothing but only doing things I enjoy very much.
  • my daughter – de luxе and limited edition – is finally almost  21 y.o. and she is still teaching me to see things in a different light
  • I feel guilty only when I am not sure of my decision
  • if the man I love is not a challenge for me, I  get bored soon
  • the second chance we don’t give to other people. Second chances we do give to ourselves.
  • it’s so great to date myself, but I am not sure if I want to have sex with clone of me
  • I really love to sleep alone on my own bed. Across it and without any fear of someone snoring.

I’ve checked few rules of thumb

  • I don’t care WHO thinks WHAT about me, if I don’t think about them at all
  • I don’t need to look for a job, the good job will find me
  • I need to say Yes to myself more often to be happy. To be more successful – more often say NO to others
  • most men I met this year were afraid of themselves more than frightened of commitment or intimidated by women
  • you can’t split with anyone who you were never together with
  • I can hope but never expect
  • Love and Hate are not opposites. Indifference is the opposite of Love.
  • woman is never too old, only a guy can be too young.
  • Courage to say what you feel is a very masculine feature, but commonly found in women
  • If you lose your wings you learn to fly on broomstick very easy.

Life paradoxes:

  • If you feel anxiety to lose your job, anxiety disappears immediately when you’ve made redundant
  • There is a life after XXXX Inc ( replace XXX with your company name). And a very good one.
  • When you work yоu use 10% of your wardrobe.  It so fun to start using the rest 90%when unemployed;
  • It’s almost impossible, but it might happen, that you have too many pairs of shoes.
  • NO that was said on the right moment is finally changes to YES with the best ROI
  • The best way to solve some problems – to ignore them. They will fade away because of lack of attention

And the award goes to:

WTF of the year: I do attract psychopaths 
Compliment of the year: You remind me of  Anjelica Houston. – , Thanks, I would love to be her when she was in love with Jack Nicholson:)
Wish of the year: Red handbag. Ordered. To be delivered in January.

Focus of the year: Towards emotions
OMG of the year: To be his last woman
Relocation of the year.  Never happened: To China,  Florida, Spain.
Pain of the year: To keep a secret about unfaithful husband me seeing his happy wife every day in the office.
Number of the year 21. Not kilos, but years.
Disappointment of the year:  Forgotten joy of taking pictures
Fear of the year: Phone call from parents on odd hour.

Best kept promise: Easter resolution.
Discovery of the year:  Exploring Barcelona by night with total stranger.
Book of the year: Promised and never written.
Selfishness of the year: I am not going to change my perfume despite it annoys anyone.Sorry.

Bad luck of the year: Red dress is not lucky enough.
Responsibility of the year: To dance on the table when your boss insists to do that

Question of the year: Have you got a new job?

Answer of the year: I can afford be unemployed.

App of the year: Timeful

Privately if was damn bad year. Today five out of six my dearest people are sick, ill, in the hospital or waiting for confirmation of diagnosis. My only wish for the  New year is enough of heath for everybody.

We are smart enough to earn money, spend it, have fun, do crazy things and live life we want. We just need to be healthy to be happy.

Happy, healthy and fun New Year! Make your amazing mistakes…


Taken and first. On the train.

I am single not because nobody wants me. There is a waiting list, but unfortunately I can’t control who is on this list. I don’t care, if they wait.

I am tired not because I never rest. There is a to do list, but unfortunately I am not able to put myself first.

I fail permanently to be top priority for myself. Being single and unemployed makes me less organized.

I need to merge two lists together. I want to be taken and prioritized.


While writing these lines I fell asleep few times. Only stupid people can take 5 AM trains.

Magic of online fairy tales for Wi-fi knights and offline Cinderellas

IMG_7392 copy

My online  Latin lover…A sweet creature, romantic, masculine, hot,  poetic, well read, well travelled, the man who is a wonderful partner for meaningful and long conversation. My ping-pong partner or marry me. or  Desired. Letters of lust.

Continue reading Magic of online fairy tales for Wi-fi knights and offline Cinderellas

Shorten blog post or extend one night stand?


Last week I went to one creative writing workshop. Interesting, with people I admire a lot. But even after this workshop I have no answer to the question – how to make my writings shorter?

Cut to pieces? Go straight to the point? No adjectives?

Sometimes we buy book because we want, but never open them because it seems too thick. We press Like on FB without reading the post. We kiss without thinking why we do that. Is that a curse of our lifestyle, when the smaller – the better? The shorter – the better? The faster- the better?

Do we still want to have time-rich experiences? Long flings instead of one night stands, potted flowers instead of cut ones, articles, not only headlines, conversations not only text messages?

I am tired of pills instead of healing tea. And most probably will never be able to trim or strip my long posts.


Addictions and something is too late


Crying definitely is not my  hobby. Last week’s emotional break down was caused by facing  self destruction of people I care about a lot, ones who were part of my adult life,  and lot of things were mixed in this sad story: drugs, alcohol, war mission, paternal responsibility and lack of it, guilt and rejecting the helping hand. I still don’t want to talk about that, still feel it’s a bit my fault…

Alcohol is only for taste and smell for me, I can do silly things with a sober mind and I don’t care – glass of wine or glass of water. I just like to avoid deleting tomorrow from my diary because of today’s fun. And as far as I remember never wanted to flush down bad emotions with wine, always wanted to go through them with a clear mind.
I still smoke. I quit of one day without any thinking in advance and stayed away for a year. And then started again when Dad has extreme health problems. I hope I can go cold turkey anytime again.

But not drugs, never tried, so will wait till there are any medical indications:).  I was born in a small town in the south and during gloomy Soviet times we knew all drugs-addicts (using hard stuff) in  our school, we knew too much, as I recall now. Never understood though, Young people got no treatment, everyone around was about to close their eyes and pass by without noticing, adults were not aware what it was, youngsters were curious. “There is no sex in USSR” as one woman told during TV show back then, there were no drugs either… So I lost few my schoolmates before I graduated my uni….

If nobody presses against you in underground, it doesn’t mean that the is no underground at all… (complicated sentence, but you are  smart readers).

Update. Smoking pot first time at my age was not funny at all. Everything should be tried and tested at the right age…Or maybe too late is even better – you have no time to develop addiction?