Addictions and something is too late


Crying definitely is not my  hobby. Last week’s emotional break down was caused by facing  self destruction of people I care about a lot, ones who were part of my adult life,  and lot of things were mixed in this sad story: drugs, alcohol, war mission, paternal responsibility and lack of it, guilt and rejecting the helping hand. I still don’t want to talk about that, still feel it’s a bit my fault…

Alcohol is for taste and smell for me, I can do silly things with a sober mind and I don’t care – glass of wine or glass of water. I just like to avoid deleting tomorrow from my diary because of today’s fun. And as far as I remember never wanted to flush down bad emotions with wine, always wanted to go through them with a clear mind.
I still smoke. I quit of one day without any thinking in advance and stayed away for a year. And then started again when Dad has extreme health problems. I hope I can go cold turkey anytime again.

But not drugs, never tried, so will wait till there are any medical indications:).  I was born in a small town in the south and during gloomy Soviet times we knew all drugs-addicts (using hard stuff) in  our school, we knew too much, as I recall now. Young people got no treatment, everyone around was about to close their eyes and pass by without noticing, adults were not aware what it was, youngsters were curious. “There is no sex in USSR” as one woman told during TV show back then, there were no drugs either… So I lost few my schoolmates before I graduated my uni….If nobody presses against you in underground, it doesn’t mean that the is no underground at all… (complicated sentence, but you are a smart reader).

Update. Smoking pot first time at my age was not funny at all. Everything should be tried and tested at the right age…Or maybe too late is even better – you have no time to develop addiction?