First dates in LDR

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I read in myriad of blogs about dating in US. About turning down anyone who I can’t be reached  by public transportation. 40 minutes is quite a drive for girls in US, but I was meeting people living 2000 km away from me. I just live in the middle of nowhere:)

Distance is the best  friend and worst enemy. You can’t be spontaneous – last-minute plane tickets are expensive, people at my age to plan to be spontaneous, and  meeting up within the first month of correspondence is not very often  because of distance, age and our own busy lives.

Meeting somewhere half way is a nice solution for both to explore the cities we’ve never been before. Or one of you never been there. I had an idea, that meeting on neutral ground was a very nice experience. Exploring a new city with a stranger is a challenge. I had it once. Failure. May date got sick and I had solo experience.

Few times I’ve met in a town ( not in my country) I know very well because of my business trips and friends who live there. It was the best and safest idea. I always had a plan B or C – booked nice apartments for myself or slept over at my friends places. The worst thing – I was always a  guide – and it was not very interesting for myself, but great for them. But it was good to see what different people are interested in, how do they react, how do they feel and how do they get to know a new town.

I met once with my ex-OKC date in his town. We were planing too long our first real date, so he finally met someone around the corner. But since we really clicked online, be both wanted this offline meeting to happen one day when I came  to his town. In a year and half after our first message exchange.

I still think, that everywhere Europe is near for me. I like to travel and I can afford it. I can combine my trips with  dating challenges, but there are always some things to remember or to take into consideration.

I have my own experiences, I know my friends’ stories and  believe me – anything is possible. Even the weirdest or most unbelievable scenarios:

A and B meet in a town both liked very much. He promised to book apartments,  concert tickets, go there and there,  he was delayed, nothing was booked, and surprise surprise – even his credit card was not accepted on checkout. Refund was promised, never received.  Poor  girl.

C was visiting him for the second time in one very “expensive” country. First visit was nice: exploring the country and another one close, romantic things including sex.  Next visit was different  – he got drunk on the evening she came, morning was not cool either, she spent the day out on her own and when got back, he was acting as an asshole. She booked a hotel and left.  Later E sent him an email with her expenses including the cost of  flight. He covered all expenses and paid some extra.

D booked the apartment and paid for it, but it was clear they will split the expenses. In all cases.  Four days were wonderful together despite  this non romantic  set up.

In this story he paid everything, posh Champagne and strawberries, wonderful hotel suite, dine and wine, E was pampered in different ways, but no sex  ever happened despite sleeping  in the same bed.

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The main rule –  be independent in your decisions and be honest with yourself how being together with this person makes you feel. The rest is good preparation.

If he wants to  come to see you, let it be, it’s easy…

    • you will help him with accommodation and ideas for sightseeing, but you are not obliged to spend all days with him;
    • if you don’t know all his personal details – no problem, but Google him, have a look at the FB in advance;
    • you have no travel expenses and  you always have your bed for yourself;
    • you will not be over your budget – are used to your currency. Imagine going to another country and paying three times more for your coffee…
    • you can always be busy or not, depending of how you do click in real life;
    • you will always look your best – you don’t need to pack a huge suitcase if you go somewhere;
    • you know where to go out and get the best food and ambiance for reasonable money;
    • in all unexpected cases ( sickness or other problems) you are in your territory and you know  where to go and what to do;
    • if you click IRL with this online guy ( assuming he is for few days), you can go out with your friends;

If he wants you to come to see him, you should think a  lot.

  • If you can’t afford it, just state that clearly;
  • you will book your trip in advance and your online relationship may be over by  meeting date;
  • it will be more expenses for you – travel, accommodation – even if he offers his guest room, have a plan B. Couch-surfers can make your trip less expensive;
  • If he wants you to stay at his place, think about that few times. Saving money on your hotel means losing your independence. If you have any doubt, book hotel;
  • don’t expect him to book an apartment or hotel for you. Do it yourself;
  • booking apartment in the best location is a must. You want to see the town  on your own too,  and he is local, he knows his way around the city;
  • calculate, if you are OK to  spend certain amount of money for this trip, think if you really want to explore THIS city?
  • do you know someone in this town? No? Ask your friends. It’s always good to have a back up, just in case you need an advice, help or company;
  • don’t expect him to cover or share your trip expenses, but it may happen;
  • you should check him very well – personal details, address etc – meeting a guy in your city is easier.  Let your friend know the details.
  • be ready to spend time alone and have your own plans for the  trip – he can cancel the meeting or just ignore you;
  • forget what he wrote or said during your online romance –  you will start at zero point  when you meet.
  • have enough cash and courage to escape if the situation is not acceptable
  • check the weather forecast, take matching clothes and be ready for unexpected. Something shiny, glossy should take place  in your suitcase to go with jeans for great night out.

If you both want you to meet in between, you should think a  bit. All points above is a guidelines in this case too.

I most probably forgot something. Do you have anything to share, add or warn about?

 

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