Dating vs making friends

I hate dating. It’s all about pretending. It’s like another job.

I like making new friends. It’s authentic. It’s like holidays…



Back to dating – looking for friends

I am back on dating site after a while. After my 66 days of mind-fucking experience with the horse of Prince Charming -three night stand without butterflies being the last woman, thinking of perfect set up 2in1 or 3in1 after I quit my corporate career; having enough sex for a while  in a quite harbor and writing a book. Or two. It was a fun to live, and not a shame to write about that. So despite the mind-fucking experience cost me a lot  of certain things, it gave me something I would never acquired in another way. I will tell  the tidbits of the story  here … Stay tuned. Continue reading Back to dating – looking for friends

It made my day :) #4 or gut feeling back!

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On lazy  Saturday morning I was browsing the only online dating site I am on. Good, someone gave me 4 or 5 stars! Let’s check him. 86% match. Not bad. And I can swear, I  haven’t ranked him in return, OKC  decided that is a good thing to do,

Young, -15 and a bit more, educated, tall, interesting. Located in USA, his spoken languages matched mine, but not the mother tongue .  Profile is medium length, pictures different and outstanding ( not in quality, but in content). Solid  prospect for son-in-law.  Then I’ve started to read answers to the questions along with explanations.  Something was different from what i read before. And suddenly I had a strange and warm feeling in my body. No, not in southern department.

So I sent him a message:

Hi there,
OKC just sent this message – we like each other.   I spent some time reading your profile and Q&A. It was refreshing: interesting and different. Was thinking what is a reason for  it.  Your location and languages you speak, main picture and  lines in profile, conventional English and unconventional attitude were contradictory.

Anyway, just wanted to say that something warming was in reading you and about you.:)
Good luck on your search!

And got an immediate response:

I’m {my nationality too – taking into consideration there are only few millions of us:) } , only created this account while abroad, and never bothered to change the location. Even replying in {our mother tongue}  would be so awkward – I’m actually doing it in English. 🙂

And thank you for your compliments, very flattering; you have quite a profile as well.

So then we switched to our mother tongue and had a nice conversation then and never again.

The best thing about that was I physically experienced I have my gut feeling back and I can trust it. It was a good  start of a day.

Island, crying woman and a shrimp

I got a message from my online friend  with the story below.  Is it something you know? It was a new story for me, but generally reflecting the situations we have in life. Most probably it was kind of test my online pen pal wanted to do on me? Continue reading Island, crying woman and a shrimp

What does BDSM stands for, Mom?


We have a Mom’s day on the first Sunday of May. I am going to visit my Mom. I will tell her something nice, I will kiss her and  will hug her, but I will never ever tell her how do I live.  I have too many secrets. She was always my  Mom I was very proud of and she never was my ally or the keeper of my secrets.

Moms are different…Daughters are different too.

During a year and a half on dating site, I’ve sent a not more than 10  first messages to guys – as usual with good opening and closing in the same one.  In 80 % out of all cases – complementing on nice pic or essay – it was a challenge to make their day:) The rest 20% of my opening messages are dying  to be described  in  more detailed post.

“Nice pic! ” – I shot a  short and message  to guy, who didn’t want show himself and had a discreet and creative pic with glasses on.

“Thanks, you are sexy. And also it seems you are somehow open to BDSM”– the answer was  unexpectedly straightforward.

“You are good at reading between the lines. Tell me where you sensed this:) ”  We  exchanged few more messages with Master, who also hosts  couch-surfers with special interests. After short messaging ping-pong  I said that BDSM is not my fairy tale.

On Saturday breakfast catch up I’ve covered this particular conversation among other topics.

– What does this  BDSM stands for, Mom?

I explained the abbreviation shortly and  gave some examples, mostly from films.

–Ah, I see,  I had no idea it has special abbreviation – 4in1- my daughter replied and was ready to talk about tomatoes in our balcony garden  this year.

– And please, don’t mention to your friends we were talking about things like that during breakfast, – I’ve added with a smile.

– Mom,  relax! They will be amazed!  Do you still remember these   stunned girls in my class, when they realized I can talk about my period  with you without any embarrassment?  Do you still remember when  my friend asked me to ask you to call her mom and ask her to talk about  menses with her daughter,  because daughter wanted to talk to her mom, but was not capable to start a dialog herself, so she asked me  and I’ve asked you…

This Sunday we ‘ll have The Mom’s day.  Me and my daughter will go to see my Mom. To kiss, to hug, to thank for being my Mom, despite all  misunderstandings in our relationship.  I won’t ask her what BDSM stands for, but will bring her a nice notebook and will ask  her to write down all her best recipes.

I wish you  a nice Mom’s day whenever you celebrate it!


Another dress or confidence?


I had a spring cleaning in my closet today. I hate it.

There are a lot of material memories  of you happy, fat, slim, married, pregnant, divorced, in love, dumped, broken. Tones of invisible energy is in my wardrobe. I don’t have any clothes from my pregnancy or marriage – it was too long ago, but I want it to have more room and less memories.

Four times a year I do seasonal cleaning and every time I face the same question:

if confidence is the only thing that makes woman look at her best, why do I have so many useless clothes?