Misunderstanding own sexuality

I am feminine by body. For 100%.
I am feminine by mind about 40%.

Feminine? I don’t know. Not much. Definitely not 0% feminine, not 100% either.

I have a weird relationship with my sexuality.
Or a normal one.

Who knows what is normal?


Reading some  lines is like a splash of hot water on my body.
Sometimes it squeezes my throat I can hardly breathe, sometimes I can I turn on wet immediately. Not necessary the words were written to me. Or about me.  Erotic literature works fine. Porn does too. I don’t need to have anyone real next to me to  make me aroused. My mind works fine.
I like the feeling when thinking about me or reading me makes someone far away or close-by aroused and excited. I like that power over another person. Bittersweet feeling.

Sex means nothing to me, if person means nothing.
If person means the world to me, sex may mean nothing.
Or be not rewarding for me.

I enjoy sex started from the promise of it, I like my mind being occupied with dirty and sweet thoughts.
I am a person of process not result.

I have weird relationship between my not very feminine sexuality and my masculine mind.

But I still would like to date myself, if I was a guy.