Make me jealous, sweetheart!


I don’t have a feeling of possessing  someone. Weird? Not at all.
Like I never believed my daughter belongs to me. I had a feeling that she was somehow lent to me. As if I was chosen!  It was my task to raise her, to teach, to help her, to form and shape her into a person I am proud of.  And then let her go.  She belongs to the world now – as it was also before. World is open and calling for her and I am confident let her go.

I never believed  that any of my men I was with somehow belonged to me either. Can’t explain why, despite tried to figure out  that and failed every single time. Maybe because I believe people are single and alone in their lives despite they are with someone at times.

We shared bed, bread, dreams, friends, but there were always 2 of us, having something very private in our lives – sometimes even  loving other people.
Were these men not good enough, were they taken, were they just not significant ones? Maybe I never loved them? Not true at all.  I  hope just understood the nature of human being.

Am I afraid of sharing in any way (with career, politics, kids from previous relationships, hobbies, women)  the Man,  who is with me at this moment in my life? No. He does not belong to me, as my daughter. He is lent to me for reason, season or a lifetime. Accidentally or intentionally. And I don’t possess  him in any way.

Jealousy is not only a fear of to be compared with someone else, it’s paralyzing  fear of losing.  And understanding that you just lost  the competition is killing.

And if at the end of the day  he is back, it means I am above the competition. If he is not back one day – it means he is blind and and have different priorities, so I don’t need him in my life.

Bitchy me:)  What about you?

But I would like to know what does it feel to be jealous. Make me jealous, sweetheart!